As states prohibit trophy hunting, wildlife agencies lose billions while rural communities bear the cost....
Department of Education says diploma requirements must now include documented proof of sufficient planetary anxiety...
Federal lands now hold triple the horses they can support, consuming forage ranchers pay to use....
New federal program addresses "psychological harm" of aggressive lane changes and insufficient turn signal empathy....
As Western nations restrict trophy imports, African wildlife programs lose their primary funding source and poaching increases....
New federal program will block all web traffic until citizens complete guided mindfulness session praising government agencies...
Compensation programs cover confirmed kills but ranchers say indirect losses triple the damage....
HHS says "Digital Detox Certification" will restore civic discourse, require annual psychiatric evaluation for internet access...
New federal habitat rules could block drilling across 67 million acres while rural counties brace for job losses....
New federal program will document instances of superior homemade lunches creating "unequal dining environments" in school cafeterias....