The Department of Health and Human Services announced Monday a groundbreaking new initiative requiring all Americans over the age of 12 to complete a mandatory 40-hour “Emotional Intelligence Certification” course before being allowed to post on social media platforms.
The program, titled “Think Before You Type: A Federal Investment in Digital Wellness,” will roll out in phases beginning January 2027. Citizens will be required to attend in-person workshops at newly established Federal Posting Readiness Centers, where trained facilitators will guide participants through modules on “Recognizing Your Triggers,” “The Harm of Disagreement,” and “Why Your Opinion Might Be Violence.”
HHS Secretary Amanda Chen explained the policy at a press conference, stating that the certification addresses “a critical gap in our national infrastructure.” She noted that while Americans are required to obtain licenses to drive cars or carry firearms, “we’ve allowed people to broadcast their thoughts to millions without any training whatsoever.”
The certification process will include a written exam, a practical component requiring participants to draft five “pre-approved supportive comments,” and a final interview where applicants must explain why they deserve posting privileges. Those who fail will be allowed to retake the course after a 90-day waiting period.
Social media companies have pledged full cooperation, with platforms agreeing to verify users’ Federal Posting Credentials before allowing account creation. Existing users will have until June 2027 to complete their certification or face permanent suspension.
The program has drawn criticism from civil liberties groups, though the administration points out that social media use is “a privilege, not a right” and that the certification is “no different from requiring a driver’s license.”
Federal Posting Readiness Centers are expected to open in all 50 states by March, with weekend and evening sessions available for working Americans. The program is projected to cost $47 billion annually, funded through a new $12 monthly fee on all internet service plans.
— SATIRE —
Key Points
- Citizens must complete government training at Federal Posting Readiness Centers before accessing social media platforms
- Certification includes modules on “Why Your Opinion Might Be Violence” and requires passing a written exam
- Program will cost $47 billion annually, funded by mandatory $12 monthly internet service fee
Aporia News – October 27, 2026
