HHS says new "Digital Wellness Certification" will ensure citizens are qualified to share their thoughts online...
New "Digital Wellness Accountability Act" mandates installation of tracking app on all devices to monitor citizens' online habits for public health purposes....
HHS officials say tracking citizens' feelings is "care, not surveillance" as emotional accountability program launches nationwide....
New HHS mandate establishes national registry tracking Americans' produce intake, imposes fines for insufficient leafy green consumption...
New "Journey Declaration" system will optimize traffic, reduce emissions, and ensure road equity, officials say....
New federal program requires children to prove emotional compliance on smartphone before learning can begin...
New DOT rule requires vehicles to automatically slow down 35% when GPS detects high-income zip codes, tracking data sent to federal database....
New database will track refrigerators, air fryers, and "emerging thermal food preparation devices" to close "critical gap" in public health oversight....
New DOT program requires 12-hour training course and exam before citizens can legally use crosswalks...
New federal AI system will flag lesson plans mentioning anything that happened during 401-year "danger zone"...