WASHINGTON — The Department of Transportation announced Friday that all American drivers will be required to complete a mandatory 40-hour “Inclusive Highway Etiquette” course before renewing their licenses, starting January 2027.
The new program, part of the Infrastructure Equity and Safety Act, aims to address what Transportation Secretary Miguel Cardona called “systemic biases embedded in our nation’s driving culture.” The curriculum includes modules on “Deconstructing Merge Privilege,” “Intersectional Turn Signal Theory,” and “Recognizing Your Positional Power at Four-Way Stops.”
Drivers will be tested on proper acknowledgment waves, equitable zipper merging, and identifying microaggressions such as “aggressive acceleration” and “exclusionary parking.” A section titled “The Male Gaze: Why Your Rearview Mirror Positioning Matters” has already generated significant discussion on social media.
“For too long, American roads have been dominated by heteronormative driving patterns that privilege speed over community and individual achievement over collective safety,” Secretary Cardona explained at a press conference. “This training will help drivers examine their unconscious biases behind the wheel.”
The course, which costs $847 per participant, must be renewed every three years. Drivers who fail the final exam three times will be required to surrender their vehicles and receive a complimentary e-bike and a year’s subscription to public transportation.
A pilot version of the program in Portland showed promising results, with 73% of participants reporting they now feel “deep shame” when exceeding the speed limit and 89% saying they “apologize to their car” before starting the engine.
Critics argue the program is government overreach, but supporters note that Finland has required similar training since 2019, and their roads are now so polite that average commute times have increased by four hours.
The DOT emphasized that drivers displaying “Make America Great Again” bumper stickers will need to complete six additional hours of remedial coursework focused on “vehicular allyship.”
— SATIRE —
Key Points
- All drivers must complete mandatory training covering “unconscious driving biases” and “equitable zipper merging” starting January 2027
- The $847 course includes modules on recognizing “microaggressions” like aggressive acceleration and must be renewed every three years
- Pilot program in Portland reports 89% of participants now “apologize to their car” before starting the engine
Aporia News – September 08, 2026
