WASHINGTON — The Department of Health and Human Services announced Tuesday that all Americans will be required to submit weekly “emotional wellness reports” to a new federal database beginning January 1, 2027, as part of the Mental Health Transparency and Accountability Act.
The reports, which must be filed every Sunday by 11:59 PM, will require citizens to rate their happiness levels on a scale of 1-10, describe any negative thoughts experienced during the week, and explain what steps they took to “course-correct” their emotional state.
“Mental health is a public health crisis, and we can’t solve what we can’t measure,” said HHS Secretary Dr. Patricia Menendez at a press conference. “This is about creating a comprehensive national picture of American well-being so we can intervene before emotional distress becomes a burden on our healthcare system.”
The mandatory reports will be filed through a new smartphone app called “MoodCheck USA,” which uses facial recognition technology to verify the identity of the person submitting the report. Users who rate their happiness below a 5 for three consecutive weeks will be automatically enrolled in a government-sponsored “Resilience Coaching Program” delivered via text message.
Failure to file weekly reports will result in a $75 fine for the first offense, escalating to $250 for subsequent violations. The administration emphasized that all emotional data will be kept “completely confidential” and stored on secure government servers alongside Americans’ tax returns, medical records, and social media activity.
Civil liberties groups have raised concerns about the program, but the White House dismissed these objections as evidence of “toxic negativity” that the new system is designed to address.
The app will include pre-written emotional responses that users can select from a dropdown menu to speed up the filing process. Options include “I feel grateful for our institutions,” “I am working through my concerns productively,” and “My week was a 7/10, adequate and compliant.”
— SATIRE —
Key Points
- Americans must file weekly emotional reports rating happiness 1-10 or face fines starting at $75
- Citizens rating below 5 for three weeks will be automatically enrolled in government “Resilience Coaching Program”
- New MoodCheck USA app uses facial recognition to verify identity of person submitting emotional data
Aporia News – October 22, 2026
