The Department of Education announced Tuesday a sweeping new initiative requiring all public school students to complete a mandatory “Digital Citizenship Bootcamp” before being allowed to access the internet unsupervised, with failure to pass resulting in a six-month probationary period of dial-up speeds.
The program, dubbed “Think Before You Click 2027,” will require students ages 8-18 to complete 40 hours of instruction covering topics including “Recognizing Problematic Memes,” “The Dangers of Unverified Information Sharing,” and “Why Your Opinion Might Be Harmful.” Students must pass a comprehensive exam with a score of 85% or higher to receive their Internet Access Credential (IAC).
“We’ve seen what happens when young people have unfettered access to information online,” said Acting Education Secretary Patricia Moreland at a press conference. “They start forming their own opinions, sharing unapproved content, and worst of all, engaging in discourse without proper supervision. This ends now.”
The program will be administered through a partnership with major tech companies, who will install mandatory filtering software on all devices used by students. Those who fail the exam will have their internet speeds throttled to 56kbps until they successfully complete a remedial course and demonstrate “appropriate online behavior patterns.”
Parents expressed mixed reactions to the announcement. “Finally, someone is doing something about my teenager watching YouTube videos I haven’t pre-approved,” said one mother from Arlington, Virginia. “I’ve been saying for years that kids shouldn’t be allowed to just Google things whenever they want.”
The Department estimates the program will cost $12 billion in its first year, funded through a new “Digital Safety Fee” added to all internet service bills. Implementation begins January 2027, with all students required to obtain their IAC by the start of the 2027-2028 school year.
Students caught accessing the internet without a valid credential will face detention and mandatory re-education sessions.
— SATIRE —
Key Points
- Students must complete 40 hours of instruction and pass comprehensive exam to receive Internet Access Credential
- Those who fail will have internet speeds throttled to 56kbps during six-month probationary period
- Program costs $12 billion in first year, funded by new mandatory “Digital Safety Fee” on all internet bills
Aporia News – October 20, 2026
