Four-hour workshop to cover proper breathing techniques and "trigger temperature" recognition before citizens may discuss environmental topics....
HydroTrack USA app will monitor citizen hydration levels with fines for non-compliance starting this summer...
Federal inspectors will ensure no American home exceeds neighborhood median temperature by more than three degrees...
New "Screen Time Equity Reports" will monitor demographic breakdown of streaming content, social media, and video games in every household...
Citizens must scan face and log eight glasses daily or face fines under WATER Act...
New "MindfulnessUSA" program requires 45 minutes of monitored relaxation or face fines, workshops, and social media suspension...
New HHS program mandates 8,000 steps daily with automatic fines for Americans who fail to meet movement quotas...
New federal program will penalize families for checking if there's anything good to eat more than 40 times daily....
Federal officials say unlicensed vegetable ownership has created "a crisis of unprocessed agricultural guilt"...