New federal database will track household climate control settings to ensure "equitable distribution of comfortable air"...
New federal database will monitor household heating and cooling to ensure compliance with "scientifically optimal temperature corridors"...
New "Wellness Passport" system will track citizens' nutritional compliance scores and restrict access to foods containing over 15 grams of sugar...
New "Emotional Impact Statements" must be filed weekly or citizens face fines under National Wellness Accountability Framework...
Six-week evening courses will teach "Automotive Privilege" and "Learning to Love Public Transit" to Americans whose driving habits fail federal sustainability metrics...
Federal employees will undergo mandatory workshops examining their "personal relationship with independence" before next July 4th....
Failure to identify three branches of government will result in longer DMV lines and mandatory civics courses...
New Bureau of Online Safety and Supervision will oversee biennial testing and $127 licensing fees for all users over age 12...
New law penalizes citizens up to $75 monthly for failing to log beverages in HHS portal by 2027...
Citizens falling below 650 points will be required to attend counseling sessions with government nutritionists starting next year....