The Department of Health and Human Services announced Wednesday that beginning January 2027, all Americans will be required to submit weekly “emotional wellness reports” to a new federal portal or face potential restrictions on social media access and streaming service eligibility.
The Comprehensive Mental Health Monitoring Act, passed last month with bipartisan support, establishes a nationwide system requiring citizens to log their feelings, stress levels, and “gratitude metrics” through a government app called MindTrack USA.
“We can no longer afford to let Americans suffer in silence,” said HHS Secretary Monica Hartwell at a press conference. “By mandating these weekly check-ins, we can identify at-risk individuals before they spiral and connect them with appropriate federal resources.”
The app asks users to rate their happiness on a scale of 1-10, describe their week in 200 characters or less, and answer questions like “Have you expressed gratitude today?” and “Do you feel connected to your community?” Failure to submit reports for three consecutive weeks triggers an automatic review by regional wellness officers.
Citizens who fall below a cumulative happiness score of 6.5 over a four-week period will receive mandatory invitations to attend government-sponsored “resilience workshops” at local community centers. Those who score above 8.5 consistently may qualify for tax credits under the “Thriving American” program.
The app also features an AI chatbot named “Hope” that provides automated encouragement and gentle reminders about the importance of maintaining positive mental health for national productivity.
Privacy advocates have raised concerns about data collection, but Secretary Hartwell assured reporters that emotional data will only be shared with 47 approved federal agencies and select academic research partners.
“Your feelings are safe with us,” Hartwell said. “This is about care, not surveillance.”
The MindTrack USA app will be available for download starting December 1, 2026.
— SATIRE —
Key Points
- Americans must submit weekly feelings and “gratitude metrics” to new federal MindTrack USA app or face social media restrictions
- Citizens scoring below 6.5 happiness rating will receive mandatory invitations to government “resilience workshops”
- Emotional data will be shared with 47 federal agencies and “select academic research partners”
Aporia News – July 30, 2026
